Running is therapy

Tonight will be 40 complete days without smoking a cigarette. At this point, I am feeling pretty good. My allergies are worse than they were when I smoked, but even they aren’t *that* bad. Additionally my running times are getting faster, and I can breathe harder for longer when I am racing.

I haven’t had a Chantix in about 5 days. I don’t know why I stopped, but I did. I forgot to take it a few times, and then I wanted to see how it went without it. I still have all the pills, so if it gets to be a problem I will just start taking them again.

Do I still want a cigarette? You bet. A couple times over these last 40 days I have had situations where I would have smoked a lot in reaction to some external stress. During those times, I have wanted to sit down, light a cigarette and worry (it’s what I do best). Not smoking during these times has made me feel stronger, but the urges still come. In fact as I am writing this, I could go for a smoke. There is no chance in hell I will, but it still sounds like a “great idea”.

The funny part is, if I actually did have a smoke right now? It would taste terrible and make me sick to my stomach. I know, I have smoked after periods of not smoking before. It’s the worst…but you know a half pack later or so and they start to taste like they used to. How bad is it that you have to work that hard to make it not taste like complete garbage.

Fellow quitters, stay strong. Non-smokers, stay right where you are.

Here is to another 40.

I went to bed night before last with a sore throat. Now this isn’t out of the ordinary, I have pretty bad allergies. Interestingly, my allergies are much better when I smoke. When I quit the last time my allergies got pretty horrible. Here I am on the good side of a month of smobriety (heh), and my allergies are back in full force. No problem I’ll start taking Claritin again all will be well. Woke up in the morning and took one, then off to work where I ran into a guinea pig that Marcus brought in for Jeff’s daughter to babysit (don’t ask). Well the pic of my eye below should indicate how that went. Both my eyes were red, nose running…you get the picture.

Fast forward to this morning, when I wake up with a tight chest and a head full of snot. I am unsure if I have a cold or this is just allergies, but my chest is raw right now and I am concerned about tomorrow’s run. I am supposed to do 40 minutes cross training today, so I think I will nap, wait for some more of the days heat to dissipate and then head out for a walk. The good part is that I am not dehydrated, so I can rule that out, the bad part is that my lungs burn and that will be bad for turning over oxygen.

It’s all a sign that I am getting better after quitting smoking. My lungs and sinuses are digging out from under the terrible daily onslaught chemicals they were bombarded with….and man are they pissed :)

*Gross part*
I am speculating that the reason my allergies are getting worse is because all the mucus membrane area in the nose, mouth and lungs were coated with tar and impervious to allergens. How’s that for disgusting.

Last month on the 2nd at 10:18 pm I became a non-smoker. Not patting myself on the back, just want to record that on this night, I remembered what I did the month before, on the same day.

Happy 30 smoke free days to me. This is crazy to me. My life, while mostly the same, seems so different than just 30 days ago. I can sit for over 2 hours watching a movie, and never once have to go outside to smoke a cigarette. I can ride in a car for over an hour with a non-smoker and not be constantly wishing I would get to where I am going so I can hop out and have a smoke. I can transition from one task to another and don’t need to sit for a sec to have a few puffs.

Most of these things boil down to one overall theme. I can do things with non smokers and not need to interrupt to feed an addiction that makes me smell like a forest fire.

I still have a long way to travel on this trip. I won’t really be free for a while to come. There will be urges and craves, but I think I am getting stronger everyday. Looking forward to 30 more smoke free days, and 30 more after that. Now if I could just get myself to bed at a decent hour that would be fantastic ;)

I woke up today feeling really crappy. I called off work and went back to bed. Blah. Around 11 I went downstairs to check email and had a pretty good craving for a smoke. It’s not like I am going to smoke or anything but none the less my head periodically will chime in with it’s bad ideas.

I need to get more Chantix, but I don’t want to spend the money on it. It would be so nice not to have to go pay 95 dollars right now. I should have run out already, but I missed a dose here and a dose there, so I have had enough pills to get me through till this morning. Well, now I am out and I have to go get the script filled. I am going to fill it, but only because I don’t want to mess up this streak I have going, 27 days isn’t nearly long enough in my opinion to go it alone. I am pretty positive that I wouldn’t smoke even if I did go off the Chantix, but why tempt fate eh?

This morning about an hour after I woke up, I got the most crushing craving I have had in a long time. I was going out the door to get in my car, and it rolled over me like bad weather. It sucked mostly because I have been feeling pretty good lately. Things have been really good in my private life, and because of that not only is there always no reason to smoke, I have LESS of a reason to smoke. I think that made it worse. Just the realization that I was doing so well and got caught off guard by the craving.

To make matters worse I forgot to take my pill last night, AND this morning. Mi vida loca. Now, according to others the half life for Chantix is crazy long so I still have a ton of it in my system. I am not concerned. There is no way I would smoke. It’s not even an option. It’s just a bummer.

“The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.” ~ Sophocles

I am almost finished with 21 days smoke free. Where I come from, that’s 3 weeks. It’s strange, I have moments, like right now, where it seems strange that I ever smoked. Then I have moments like I had earlier today, where I can’t believe I ever stopped. It’s an interesting dichotomy.

The urges are fine. They still come, at least a few times a day I will start the act of going for a smoke, or think about grabbing one…then I remember that I quit, and for the briefest of moments there is a slight pang of regret. Then the rest of my brain catches up to the pleasure center and I usually go get something cold to drink. Normally by the time I return from getting the drink I have forgotten all about wanting a smoke.

I’d like to urge anyone out there thinking about quitting to consider Chantix. It really has worked wonders for me. I remember when I was 25 and quit the last time, 3 weeks in, I was feeling a lot better by then but it was still a daily trial. I have always smoked a lot. And at least 2 packs a day, everyday for the last 6 or 7 years. I ALWAYS wanted a cigarette. Even as I was coming inside from having one at work, I was thinking about the next one (I did forget for a little while when I would get back to my work). I would go outside, once an hour, usually on the hour. Even still it would occur to me several times throughout that hour that I wanted to smoke.

What I am getting at is…if I can do it, you can do it. I was weak, I was scared to death to quit smoking. You have to want to quit, you have to give it your best effort, you have to stop junkie thoughts, but you CAN do it. Believe in yourself.

P.S. I want to let people know that I am available to (ex)smokers that want to chat off-blog about cessation. Zip me an email and I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have. Or just offer my encouragement. My email address is my firstname at this domain. If you can’t figure out my firstname, my last name is powell…if you still can’t figure it out, perhaps you should just send it to nathan at nathanpowell dot org.

1. Start running 6 months earlier. I recommend the Couch To 5K program.

2. Come to the realization that you will not get much faster without quitting smoking. (Do nothing about it yet).

3. Start dating. I recommend you sign up for online dating sites. This will teach you two important lessons. The first lesson is that not many people smoke anymore. The second is that there are a lot of strange people in the world, many of them single with an internet connection.

4. Shake off the feeling that you’ll never meet anyone good. While it could be true, it won’t help the cause to get all realistic at this point. Buck up, ugly people meet people all the time.

5. Have a friend’s father recommend that you try Chantix. (This one is tough, if all your friends are stupid, I recommend you get better friends).

6. Get a script for the pills.

7. Read Alan Carr’s book.

8. Take the pills for 7 days.

9. On the 7th day, right before bed, throw away all your lighters and ash trays. Spray some febreeze around the place, it smells bad in your house. (Note, not even fabreeze will fix the funk that has accumulated as a result of dropping chicken bones between the cushions…just an FYI).

10. Stop buying and lighting cigarettes. This step is key, I tried skipping it in the past, and people get really angry when you smoke while telling them you are a non-smoker.

(This post is part parody part recap. I leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine what parts are what)

Wow, so…I haven’t posted too much about smoking lately. I have been really juiced about running, and training that I kind of feel like I am spamming readers here with my mundane drivel. However, I do want to chronicle my cessation, so, here is some more spam.

The last week has been about the same everyday in terms of urges. They come, they go. They don’t last long anymore. Usually with in 30 to 60 seconds they are gone, and it’s not that hard to wait them out. It’s unpleasant but not impossible. It has been kind of drag that they don’t seem to be any less frequent or severe today, than they were this time last week. I had made such a good recovery of the first few days I kind of expected that it would just get easier and easier. I feel like I have plateaued. And that’s ok, I am complaining, however I remember it still being a constant struggle at this point in quits past. I complain, it’s a hobby.

I am really loving that my running seems to be taking off. That alone gives me plenty to hold onto when the urge strikes.

On the way home from running tonight I was thinking about my cessation, and what it means for the rest of my life. I know that I will have urges, likely for a long time to come (not cravings, that seems to be over). There will be times throughout the rest of my life when the idea will pop into my head “Man I would love a cigarette right now”. And each and every time I will have to meet them head on and know that that is not a good idea. It’s hard to explain to people who have never been addicted to anything what that is like, but let me tell you, it kind of depresses me.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for getting addicted to cigarettes, but it’s a little depressing that the actions of a stupid kid affect the life of a 35 year old man. However this is my life, and I want the rest of it to be smoke free, even if that means I may feel something unpleasant from time to time.

Inspirational slogan of the day: “I’d rather be a non-smoker with the occasional urge to smoke, than a smoker with the constant desire to quit”.

Happy breathing.

Fascinating.