Running is therapy

You quit smoking New Year’s Eve. And you are thinking about caving.

It’s been hard. Like math.

It’s cool. People made out of a lot tougher shit than you folded like lawn chairs way before now. I mean, I had serious concerns about you ability to do this in the first place. I figured you’d only make it like 12 hours. But here you are 7 days in, and feeling like total shit.

The kids are a pain, work is stressful, she said she wouldn’t, he said he would, you really haven’t eaten today, it’s rainy, it’s cold, it gets dark early, they made fun of your pants, you stepped in dog shit, deadlines are looming, there was a line at the mall, you been passed over, your mother didn’t call, your mother did call, you ate too much, you are getting the flu, the milk is spoiled…

It’s cool, I understand. This is tough. Way tougher than you.

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Motivated yet?

1.5 years and counting. Stay strong. You can do this.

All kinds of mile stones around here. 30 mile week, 100 mile month, and now 1 year smoke free. On July 2nd, 2007 at 10:18 pm, I put out my last cigarette and went to bed. I haven’t smoked since.

I wish I had some sage advice to give you all on how I managed to do this. But I don’t. It was tough, it got a little easier all the time, and now it’s bearable. The initial days and weeks last year were hard, and emotionally draining. I don’t recommend it, unless of course you are a smoker, then I for sure recommend it.

Most of the time these days, I don’t want to smoke. I don’t even think about it. Periodically though the urge does strike me. However it’s not as strong as it used to be. I also have this total fascination with running, making smoking impossible.

Looking back over all the posts I wrote early on, makes me not want to go back there for any reason. I am happy that I quit, and proud that I made it a year.

I would be remiss if I didn’t at least give some credit to my online friend Maggie. I don’t know her in real life, but she happened by my blog when I started talking about quitting and chantix. She was a few weeks ahead of me, and it was awesome to read where she was at all times because I knew I was right behind her. Very inspirational. Thank you Maggie.

And thanks to John who lit a fire under my ass and got me running again. And Eric for making me stick to running in those early days when it’s so easy to drift away.

Thanks to all my friends who posted congratulations to me on the blog, and thanks to all my friends that hung out with me and put up with me early on (though, putting up with me is an ongoing struggle only a few manage and really has little to do with smoking).

Thanks, all of you.

Yesterday sucked. Long story. Anyway I totally forgot that it was my 6th month of being smoke free.

Even when life gives you lemons, you should still stay smoke free.

Stay strong!

I worked from 8 am Thursday until around 2 pm Friday. I was, and still am to a degree, exhausted.

In the wee hours of Friday morning I was looking out the window of the office at the cold snowy parking lot, and I was hit with an overwhelming urge to go outside and have a cigarette. It was so powerful that I can still feel it a little.

If I could have had one without repercussion I would have done it. I know I would have.

But repercussions are why we quit smoking in the first place so it’s a silly idea. I am mad at myself that I am still thinking about it and wanting to do it (I am not going to), but I suppose it is what it is. Nothing about getting mad at myself will change wanting to smoke.

What kept me from smoking? Nothing really. Sometimes all that stands between us and not smoking is some vague idea that throwing away a streak is a bad idea.

For the last (almost) 5 months I have been getting regular updates from a cessation support site. I stopped really reading them a while ago, and then, this morning I finally unsubscribed.

That has to be some sort of milestone right?

Happy breathing.

It’s been 4 months since I had a smoke. July 2nd, 2007 10:18 pm, I snubbed my last cigarette.

It’s crazy. Before I stopped again, I forgot what it was like to have quit. Like most things in this world, day to day, there isn’t much to it. I wake up, live, and don’t smoke. The next day I do the same thing.

When you are getting ready to quit and actually in the throes of your initial quit you think, man, I can’t wait till 3 or 4 months have gone by and I am done with this part. And time moves on, and it gets easier. But it’s still not over at 3 or 4 months, you are still there still fighting the good fight.

So here I am 4 months on, looking forward to 1 year. Right now, that seems like it will be easier than this, and then, I imagine 2 years will seem easier. The thing is, every step of the way it will seem easier at the next step, and it will be.

You are all aware of the things I have gone through in this quit, as I have chronicled them here so I won’t go over them again. I will say currently I am feeling pretty good about my quitting. For a couple of weeks there I was facing multiple urges on a daily basis. Work was crazy, and my life was crazy, as a result with stress levels high, I wanted to smoke a lot more often. Life has relaxed a little, and so have the urges. I still think about smoking everyday, but I go longer without the thoughts. And for the last 3-4 days, it’s been a few hours into the day before the thought enters my head. That is an improvement I can get behind.

Nathan “4 months smoke free” Powell

Over at MaggiesMind she is discussing the process of going from being a smoker to a non-smoker. She touches on a salient point, namely:

I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel quite the same as someone who was never a smoker.

I think this is true. As many people know, and I hate to admit, I once quit smoking for 4 years. There were long periods of time where it was easy to stay away from cigarettes, and days when I thought I would never smoke again. Until the day where I did smoke again. In the head of a cigarette addict (and I will hazard it works this way for most addictions), even for someone that hasn’t smoked in a long time, there is a constant somewhat subconscious hunger for cigarettes. It makes it impossible for non-smokers (someone who has never smoked) to fully appreciate what being an ex-smoker means (pay no attention to the fact that what I just said isn’t falsifiable). It also means there will never be a day when I can rest easy knowing that I will never smoke again. I must be constantly vigilant that I never allow temptation to grow to a point where I can’t resist it.

I prefer to call myself a Non-Smoker, but let’s face it: addiction causes head trash, I am an Ex-Smoker.

Just wanted to check in with anyone who is interested. Today is the 100th day in a row I won’t smoke.

I still want to smoke, and that can be depressing. The depressing part comes from having incontrovertible empirical data that my life is better than it was, while still having the urge to smoke. I wish that part would go away, but if wishes and buts were berries and nuts, we’d all have a bowl of granola.

Stay strong.

Here it is, 80 days since I had a cigarette.

Normally I would have been getting ready to go off the Chantix sometime in the next 10 days. However I basically only took that for a month. I started taking it for a few days into the second month, and then decided I wanted to go it on my own. I hasn’t been that horrible going off the pills early. I think I have had more urges than I would have if I had taken the pills. Even yesterday, I was stressed WAY out by work, and I could feel the urge to smoke boiling below the surface. I wouldn’t do it, there is no way, but it’s still there, still ready to spring back to life if I give it the energy to do so.

I have a few insights I have gained over these last few months, but I think I will save them for a 90 day post. For now, I will just post this as a reminder of where I was.

Happy breathing.

Today was the first long trip I have taken since I quit smoking. I did have some pretty decent urges on the 7 hour sojourn to Canada (which took us like 9 with stops and meals and such). I am a little weary now, but we are relaxing and I am looking forward to the rest of the trip.

To the surprise of no one, Linux works exactly the same in Canada.

I am using my phone to dial out with USBModem.