DNA means we are friends
This is something I have long thought about. The idea that “Family” matters. The prevailing notion is that because you share DNA with others on the planet you are somehow bound to them and must be friends.
I have never really subscribed to this idea. I think it’s absurd. DNA no more ensures that we are compatible with one another than does liking the same band. I would guess that DNA helps. If you are genetically similar to another person, you may have the same tastes, ideas, and values as that person, however you may not. It’s often looked down upon if you do not “get along” with your family. This too is absurd. If you were raised in the same environment and share similar genetic make up as others in your family you very well could find these people to your liking, however if you arrive at very different conclusions about fundamental questions…you are probably not going to find the relationship with family very fulfilling, or at all worthwhile. I say cut the ties. There is no need to beat your head against the wall. If you didn’t share genetic material with them, no one would fault you for not wanting to spend time with people you found objectionable.
:-) That reminds me a bit of Genesis 2:24-25
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
Looks like you and God agree today. :-)
Seriously though, I also wonder why genetics is given such a power in the thinking of our society, or science in general for that matter. I don’t deny that things can be learned, but sometimes we take it a little far.
I don’t think DNA is necessarily the reason people think that family members should be close and friendly. Consider a family with one biological child and one adopted. If the two half-siblings have problems with their parents, would someone say, “Hey bio kid, you need to reconcile, you are your parents own flesh and blood, but you, adopted child, do whatever you want to.”
I guess it’s the idea that since you were raised in such close proximity, or have known family members for such a long time, or share some common DNA that people think that families should be close.
Or something like that I don’t know.
In the DNA story, biologically-determined affection is a relatively one-way street (Parents care about kids more than kids care about parents) because DNA transmission dominates all other concerns.
Sibling rivalry happens because parents think attention should be equally divided (50% DNA in each kid), while each pairing of kids only has 1/4 of their DNA in common, this just adds to sibling squabbling over fairness….
The evil stepmother/father meme has existed for a long time (Cinderella) for a reason, violence against non-biological children has been a problem for a long time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_Effect
Of course, the DNA story also implies that once a female hits menopause, you shouldn’t commit resources to her. I think genetics serves as a useful tool for analysis, but that’s as far as it should go. Just use your knowledge to make educated decisions that you can live with.
Easier said than done, though….
Friends are people you don’t share huge amounts of DNA with. You choose your friends because you like them.
Family are people you share DNA with. If you are close to them, it is typically in spite of the ways that you’ve outgrown them.
Quoth G.K. Chesterton:
“The best way that a man could test his readiness to encounter the common variety of mankind would be to climb down a chimney into any house at random, and get on as well as possible with the people inside. And that is essentially what each one of us did on the day that he was born.”
I always liked that quote. :)
Don, you raise an interesting point. Adopted kids do provide us with a control for our experiment. I hadn’t thought of that.
However I am not sure I totally agree with your conclusion. My guess is people would be more forgiving if the adopted child wasn’t close to his adoptive parents, than the biologically spawned kid. But since I don’t have anything to bear this out…we can wait till someone does the research for us :)